Second episode: Trust Issues

Double edged swords, controversy, Double standards, criticism, passion, love, blah blah blah!!!! ENOUGH ALREADY

RANDOM RAMBLINGS

Second episode: Trust Issues
To Trust You or Not To trust You...

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Now playing: The Pierces - Lights On
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Trust: –noun

1.	reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of a person or thing; confidence.

2.	confident expectation of something; hope.

3.	confidence in the certainty of future payment for property or goods received; credit: to sell merchandise on trust.

4.	a person on whom or thing on which one relies: God is my trust.

reliability.

13.	to rely upon or place confidence in someone or something (usually fol. by in or to): to trust in another's honesty; trusting to luck.

14.	to have confidence; hope: Things work out if one only trusts.

16.	to have trust or confidence in; rely or depend on.

17.	to believe.

18.	to expect confidently; hope (usually fol. by a clause or infinitive as object): trusting the job would soon be finished; trusting to find oil on the land.

23.	trust to, to rely on; trust: Never trust to luck!

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Now playing: The Pierces - Boring
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Trust... So many different interpretations & definitions. So why is it that we can not fathom the idea that someone deserves our trust, our secrets. The idea that there is someone who would never betray us, loyal to a fault seems to plague my turmoiled mind. Perhaps the most logical and common reason for such a foolish notion is hope. But why hold on to something so flimsy that the wind from a sleeping child's breathe can blow it away. Do we perceive our friends as noble, loyal, loving and always truthful? Is it possible that we are wrong? Quite possibly.

I was once an idealist. Clinging too the hope that I could find such a trustworthy friend. The kind often found in novels. But as luck and fate would have it no such person exists. I have made many memorable friends many of which I would drop anything for, but selfish none the less. Always asking never giving, but really some fall out of the category of never giving (1 single friend stands out). Today I can only ramble about the facts and the personal experiences I have had.
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Now playing: The Pierces - One For Me
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So why is it futile to believe in that never ending trust.... Simple really no one is willing to give their trust out blindly. One must earn it, but yet in earning that trust is nearly impossible. And how can you earn a person's trust in return when all you ever do is ask and ask and ask. I've learned to expect nothing. I trust very infrequently and when I do, it seems to be in vain. I can not be an endless savior, I am no hero, & I have no extraordinary power. I give what I can, what I have and that is not much. I've always been the reliable friend who put her life on hold although it was clearly not right for her. And yet I never thought to voice my complaints. I refuse to be the weak girl that I know I am not, I was raised with strength and overcame much. Do not ask me to turn my back and give up what is mine for your happiness I have done that too much. My advice has been sucked dry. My love has grown cold. I turn a blind eye to your struggles because you never heed our advice. You have chosen your path, and I wish you all the happiness.

(This is where many should stop reading since my rambling is done)

I have come to realize my friend that though my love for you is limitless, yours for me is not. i hope that one day you can see I love you despite your faults, I love you because of them and I don't say this to hurt you. I speak what I must for my own well being, I can not shield you from the world, from heartache that others will cause you if you cause me mine. This is not a goodbye letter this is not a see you later, this is your awakening this is your truth being spoken out loud because surely you must know me well enough to know I read this aloud as I finish each paragraph, declaring it as my truth.

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Now playing: The Pierces - I Don't Need You
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I hope you don't hate me to much once you have read this since I know you well enough to know you will read this in spite of the nervous butterflies you'll get when you read the preview on myspace and realize I am pissed off at you and your childish antics. The stupid stunt you pulled today proved your lack of trust in me and unfortunately shattered my trust in you. I have always been your shield, your shoulder to cry on. The super glue that kept you and your heart together but I'm tired. What keeps me together, me strong. Who will be my shield. I trusted you unconditionally, you claimed it was the same. Lies.... It echoes in my head.

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Now playing: The Pierces - Be Alright
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My dearest friend, my confidant you have changed. Bitter feelings have washed away so much, carefree no more. My best friend, my family forgive my bluntness but it hurts to keep it locked away in a box. I've always told you, you could count on me for everything and though you may hate me for this I can no longer be that person. I never asked for praise, I've never made you choose, just always stood there while you chose them, him... this is not about that, but you have to understand that yes you have chosen him over us all. He asked you to choose between us and him and knowing us, knowing we would never put that pressure on you never ask that of you, you chose him because he did and you feared you would loose him. You are better than he deserves I must say but I wish you your happiness, whether you choose to keep me there or not. I'm sorry

But most of all I'm sorry you don't trust me... it seems I may have been wrong to believe you did and maybe I was to quick to give that to you. I've had so much happen I thought it was a trivial matter, how wrong I was. Honestly as much as I hope you read this I hope you don't. I know what will happen if you do and I can't bare that. But I'm almost positive you will. So I ask this most cherished friend 'why? why would you attempt to fool me, knowing I know you so well? Did you care that it would hurt me when you lied to me? All those things you tried to keep from me? did my friendship mean so little to you?'

I am sorry to those of you who were expecting more from me in my first blog since the vegan/meat eaters blog I promise to update soon with the expected blog.

Until next time keep your head high, and your hearts to the sky =]
<3>

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Now playing: The Pierces - Waiting
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